Sunday, 11 November 2012

THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT CHRISTMAS

GOOD DAY, BELOVED ELECTRIC ANGELIC ANGEL FACES! So I know I've been gone for a while, excuse me for having a life. Realistically, you will only see me present here when I have time, or when something is ticking me off. In this case, today it's both of them. So a lot of you are probably judging me right now based on the title of this, and a lot of you are probably on the edge of your seats (I don't know why) so I'll get to it.

For starters, I try my best to observe Roman Catholicism as much as possible. I basically am not preachy, for those of you who know me, you can attest to that. I'm not about shoving knowledge down peoples' throats because I'm about free choice when it comes to living your life, so long as it doesn't harm you or people close to you. That being said, forgive my heartlessness for just a bit, because this all needs to be said.

Unfortunately, Christmas is fast approaching, and there are several reasons as to why I dislike this holiday. I'm all about celebrating it religiously, like with close family, wanting to keep it simple, not wanting to be preoccupied with consumerism, and I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. There are just some things I hate about modern day Christmas and what people have done to give it an undeserved face lift.

I first dislike Christmas because it starts earlier and earlier every year. Working in retail, I can vouch for this. As the genius Lewis Black once said: "You Christians have created a monster that cannot be fed."...BIGGEST UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE 21ST CENTURY!!! Halloween didn't even pass this year yet and customers were already thinking about Christmas planning! I don't know who's brilliant idea it was to create Christmas planning in October this year, but they should just go in a hole, and shave their back now. And at my Christmas table, THEY CAN'T SIT WITH US! There is no reason to stress out over Christmas in October, unless you're a broke ass student like me who will need multiple weeks to pay off his credit card bills in the midst of battling mid terms and other job related/family issues. If you don't fit in any of these categories, and assuming you have no life, you have no excuse.

Secondly: atheists who celebrate Christmas...where do you people get off? By all means, believe what you believe, do what you do. No judgement. However, when you know Christmas is a religious holiday in nature, how are you going to sit up here and suddenly be Mr. Judgy VonHolierThanThou, and take Christmas and make it this consumeristic atrocity? I completely understand if there are some people who want to observe Christmas, or any other November/December religious holiday, to expand one's horizons. Sow your religious oats for all I care. However, for the other 364 days of the year, don't be bashing us about our beliefs, because if there's one thing I can't stand in this world is a hypocrite.

The third thing I hate about Christmas are the shoppers. Everyone knows someone like this who just deserves to stay home in a straight jacket: it's usually a woman (but sometimes men) who ask sales associates a million questions that require very simple common sense, and they end up buying nothing. Here are some examples:

-"What's the price on this?" Sorry, did you not see the price tag? For that, another 5 bucks.
-"Why don't you have this anymore?" Because corporate knew you were coming in so they discontinued it.
-"You know your stuff is so expensive?" No one is forcing you to shop here, so please leave and stop being such a grotsky little byotch.
-"Is this good?" No, it sucks, that's why we sell it.
-"What's the most expensive thing you have?" You know what they say about guys with big egos, right?
-"What's the least expensive thing you have?" I can tell you're putting so much thought into this gift...said no one ever!
-"My son is buying something for his teacher..." Whatever happened to macaroni and paste?
-"I need separate bags for everything." And the award for biggest destroyer of the Amazon goes to...
-"Can you keep this on hold for me for 3 weeks?" Honey, there's a little something else called 'the rest of the world' that needs to shop too.
-"Can you turn down the AC/heater in here?" Yes, just for you. It would be a privilege, even though you're leaving in 5 minutes.
-"Is gift wrapping extra?" Depends on how bitchy you are to me in the next 5 minutes.
-"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" I'm so happy what's wrong with me isn't what's wrong with you. Boom, roasted.
-"Why can't you do your job?" Please, I dare you to stand behind this counter dealing with people like you every day. Get a life. You're not God. 

What baffles me the most: adults can buy a car, pay a mortgage, somewhat raise their kids, go to school, survive a business meeting, get to and from work, but the second they set foot in a retail establishment, all of their brain cells get shot out of their heads. Nevertheless, we will forgive your unnecessary stupidity, and if you avoid any of these confrontational lines to any sales associates, I can almost guarentee you, unless the associate is a straight up bitch, everyone in the store will be so happy to help you find what you need. It's a little thing called common courtesy: practice it.

The fourth thing I don't like about Christmas: Christmas carols. Here's the thing. In Canada, there are many quiet conversations and other policies being discussed about the ideas of public places not being able to put up Christmas trees, crucifixes, a manger scene, or getting rid of Christmas carols on the radio with "Jesus" or "Mary" or "Joseph," or anything else religious. Can we just pause for a second and analyze how utterly retarded this is? Who says we can't put a menorah up infront of city hall? Who says universities can't have a Kur'an on display infront of their libraries? Who says we can't make festive songs with "Allah" or "Abraham" in them playing on the radio? Nobody is stopping you from doing these things! People need to seriously shut up with this political correctness bullshit and to just accept the fact that North America is a multicultural diverse place, and if we want to put a manger scene on our lawns, we should do so without being criticized.

On the same topic of Christmas carols, they are utterly annoying and for a good part, unnecessary. Why? They project a false sense of reality, or one that is lived out for a very short period of time. There are some carols that are meant to be beautiful and deep, but any that involve a reindeer, a snowman, bells, decorations, or any other woodland creatures, and Hillary Duff, Justin Bieber or Mariah Carey making cheezy family remixes to them, you can keep them out of my house. I curse the day some of these Christmas carols were created:

-Frosty the Snowman gives little kids hope that decorating 3 balls of frozen snow will make them come to life and be their best friend.
-Santa Claus is Coming to Town gives little kids hope that Santa....you know what, it's too easy.
-Jingle Bells gives off the perception that prancing around like a fruitcake with bells on a sleigh isn't annoying, when really, it is.
-Deck the Halls taught me that Christmas decorations will make all your problems disappear...if they wanted to project that message, they should have written "Pass the Jack Daniels."
-The Twelve Days of Christmas taught me that your significant other shouldn't settle for less than giving you the world, and then some.
-Mr. Grinch: Dr. Seuess got that shit down right! 

This is just to name a few, and by now, if you want to call me a Scrooge, by all means do so, I really don't care. Somebody has to be one! Because somebody needs to give you all a bracing reality check about what Christmas really means. Forgive me for singling out Christmas as well, but the only reason I did it was because from personal experiences, this has become one of the most consumerist holidays in human history. To be frank, consumerism is awesome. There is no problem in prospering our economy and having a little fun, going crazy every now and then. However, so many North American families have forgotten what Christmas is really about.

It's not about lights, decorations, stuffing yourself like a fat bastard, drinking like Courtney Love, buying out half the mall, worrying about who's getting what or going where...it really should be about family, togetherness, closeness, preparing for the next year, staying on the right track, and trying to better yourself for the long run. As always, I don't want to purposely offend anyone. I just hope I made my point: think twice this year before you act.

As always, take care of yourselves!!!

PEACE!!!

-Libby

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